Lessons for a 25 year-old

Image Courtesy: Suresh Mehra

I believe it would be rude to start with anything but a hearty birthday wish. So, first and foremost, the happiest birthday to you and congratulations on making it through the first quarter of your life (here’s hoping that you’re able to hit a century).

Now, let’s take a deep breath and reflect on all that needs reflecting on. A lot has happened in your life since you drew your first breath in this world at 9:22 P.M. on August 2nd, 1995.

Your entry in our lives was as dramatic as it could be and you continue to bedazzle us with your daily performances of silly fun, opinions, innocence, achievements and empathy.

From the moment you were formed you have done the unexpected. From your self-will to enter into the world before your due date because you had wrapped the umbilical cord around you to your determination to turn, crawl and walk on your own earlier than normal, you have forged your own path and generally done life your way.

Lesson here? Quit doing stuff to impress people.

And while at times, your strong will and unique personality drives me straight up the wall, I wouldn’t change it for the world. Just like you tossed aside the chart of developmental milestones for your own timetable, you scoff at society’s expectations and silly things like generally accepted fashion standards.

Lesson here? Quit buying shitty clothes from Forever 21 or Hollister, that disintegrate immediately after purchase or are like ghosts that don’t exist after crossing a certain physical boundary.

Who cares about the color wheel when you can add one more bright accessory? And who has time to sit still for braids and bows when you can shave off your mane and go nearly bald?

Lesson here? Stop trying to stay current. Anything that requires more than two products or curling implements is a needless complication at your age.

You loved pretty, pretty pink and princess everything, but you played leader just as often. It made perfect sense to you to act, sing, dance, study and perform your duties as vice-captain of the school - all in one day.You want to do so much more but for that you first have to understand how your body works and pay attention to its needs to stay healthy and disease free.

Lesson here? The mind and body work together for overall well-being. You owe it to yourself to keep in good shape; physically, mentally and emotionally.

I see a miniature but better version of myself when you stubbornly refused to wear a dress like every other girl or chose to wear goggles to a grocery store. You are not the girl who cried because your dresses came from unbranded stores or not the girl who wore bangs even though your forehead wasn’t made for them. You are the girl who walks to the beat of her own drum and not the girl who is embarrassed to find love in the wrong places or a twisty career path or your size.

The past year or so has been a series of highs and lows. With all the stress at the work place with a first-time manipulative boss, heartbreaks and ill-health. However, you have stood strong and true to the words of Rafiki from the movie, The Lion King, “The past can hurt, but the way I see it, you can either run from it”.

You are also sometimes troubled with not being where you think you need to be in life right now. But here is the kicker. You never will be. Life is funny that way. It’ll whisk you away and keep you on your toes. Turn you upside down and right side up. You will somehow be ready for things you never thought twice about and not ready for the things you’ve been planning for your entire life.

Lesson here? Quit waiting for the right time to do, and just do. You can thank me later.

Right now, the concept of love will seem just as far-fetched as finding the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow.

A myth.

You’ve always been an optimist, a half glass full kinda girl. But somewhere along the way relationships got messy, and as a result, your heart became infected with the fear of losing yourself in love. But you know fear and how it tries to prevent you from grabbing what you deserve. Learn from your deepest fear, listen to your most crippling anxiety and let it lead you to imperfect love that is perfect for you in every way.

Lesson here? The truth is you don’t have to convince someone to love you. If you find yourself compromising your integrity in the hopes that he will treat you the way you want to be treated, its a fruitless battle. trust me. If you are doing any measure of begging, pleading or persuading in a relationship, it’s not going to end well. Save your love for the person who wants to love you for who you are with no strings attached.

Dad is right when he says that nothing in this world is free, but that doesn’t mean that you need to be part of this barter system. You can give with no expectations of taking anything back for yourself, as long as no one takes advantage of your efforts and affection. Understanding your value and your money is empowering, not boring. Saving rates, insurance, debts, emergency fund, taxes - we live in an age of Google or in your case Dad. So there is no excuse for ignorance when it comes to finance-related topics. Money doesn’t buy everything, but it does offer security and freedom.

Lesson here? Panicking at an ATM when you put your details in and ask for 1000 bucks and the little dude whirrs and clicks and your stomach rises and your heart beats in your throat and he goes, “Sorry, this machine can only dispense 2000 rupee notes”. And then you have to walk away in shame because you only have 500 bucks in your account. When you get to 25 you are so over this guessing game so just take a few minutes to figure out how to manage your dough.

You have never been silent about sexism, racism or anything-ism that most call bullshit. Unknowingly you have taught me that it’s not somebody else’s problem and it’s not OK to ignore. You are not being “too sensitive” or “rude” by acknowledging discrimination, intolerance, bias, inequality, slander or prejudice. Thank you for saying something and awakening me to say something too.

25 also means you get to jettison tons of pointless crap from your life forever.

Here are a few inspired by Joel Golby, blogger for Vice.

1. Eating Cookies/Chocolates/Toast with Wild Abandon: days of eating an entire slab of Dairy Milk or box of cookies/rusks and then trying to fit into your skinny jeans the next day are over.

2. Trying to Understand Young People with Their Young-people Music: you really don’t have to be Beethoven to know Nick Jonas’s lack of talent or inability to comprehend anything Ariana Grande is saying ever.

3. Talking to Anyone Under the Age (Physical & Mental) of 22: Even though there is that thing about younger people, what could you possibly say to a 19.5 year old beyond, “Hey, has anyone ever tried to explain floppy disks to you?” Most of your conversations would be around the things that happened when you were around that age, which means that the boy in question would have practically been a zygote. So consider this as an advice to resign from talking to anyone born after 1998 or thinks like a 20 year old.

4. Having Terrible Friends: If you go for a drink and you have to basically interview them to make a conversation, then you are not having fun. When you are invited to a Facebook event that doesn’t even occur for six more weeks or when someone says that they should hang out more together without suggesting a time or place, means you can unfriend them immediately and not waste anymore of your time.

5. Bad One-Night Stands

6. The Bitter, Bitter End of a Night Out: Next time it hits 3 AM and you run out of ideas and someone asks, "Where next?" experiment with saying, "Let's go to our separate homes and sleep." Nothing good has ever come out of dragging yourself to the only bar anyone can think of that might possibly be open. What do you expect is gonna happen when you get inside—that your shitty friends are suddenly going to get more pleasant rather than desperate and sad? Stop deluding yourself.

7. Hangovers:When you get to be 25 and realize the solution is literally just "drink a glass of water" and maybe "eat a banana," you feel really, really dumb.

8. Waiting in Line: Call your parents right now and thank them for taking you to Fun Island as a kid. Once you're aware of your own mortality, waiting in line to ride some spinning tea cups is basically impossible.

9. Kissing Bartenders’ Ass: You should be sick of acting like the person handing you a drink is doing you some huge favor. You’re not his/her friend: This is a business transaction, and you’re not some 21-year-old who's not gonna tip them. Also, their job is to pour liquid into dirty cups, occasionally pick those cups up when you are done with them, and sometimes drop the cups in a stack on the floor. They’re not Jesus, but just a dude who wears a bottle opener attachment on them.

10. Utilizing Presents from Cheap Friends/Relatives: We have all received a box of sickly-sweet smelling items-usually a lotion, a bath gel or body wash. In your early 20s, the trick was to save them up and, once you ran out of normal products, coast off the gifts for a good month stretch. Your grandma/aunt/neighbor whoever was cheap for giving you such a shitty present, but you're even cheaper if you're willing to be covered in glitter and smell like a goddamn pineapple for a month to save 400 bucks.

11. Reading Blogs: Except this one?

12. Pregnancy Scares or Worse…Disease!

13. Any Text Message Longer Than 200 Characters!

Finally, stay YOU, Ananya. Don’t listen to people who tell you to break your uniqueness, to be like everyone else. YOU ARE NOT EVERYONE ELSE. You are wonderfully and fearlessly made by the most Creative Creator, and I will take down anyone who wants to squash your uniqueness.