I Am OK With An Ordinary Life!

Image Courtesy: Jonathan Ybema, Unsplash.com

What would you say or think if I told you that you can live a happier life if you choose to let go of just one belief?

You can rest more and make more time to do what you love doing.

You can get adequate sleep and accomplish more.

You can have healthier relationships.

You can have more luck in love.

I bet your mind is racing with ideas like commitment, passion, discipline, hard-work. But while all these beliefs have been the corner-stone of our over-achieving society, they have come at a cost of our physical, mental and emotional health. Believe it or not but the irony is that if you wish to be smarter and more successful than everyone else, you will always feel like a failure. If you wish to be the most loved and popular, then you will always feel alone. If you wish to be the most powerful and admired, then you will always feel weak and impotent.

There is an endless litany about productivity, success and achievement. In fact, we have been brainwashed for decades to believe that we should be “extraordinary” and achieve greatness. But in this context it is inherently contradictory-after all if everyone was extraordinary then by definition, no one would be extraordinary. But most of us miss this logic and ask for more motivation to achieve more. Messages that taste good going down, but in reality, are nothing more than empty calories that make us emotionally fat and bloated, the proverbial Big Mac for your heart and your brain.

The ticket to emotional health, like physical health, comes from eating your veggies - this is, through accepting the bland and mundane truths of life: a light salad of “you’re actually pretty average in the grand scheme of things” and some steamed broccoli of “the vast majority of your life will be mediocre.” This will taste bad at first. Very bad. You will avoid eating it.

But once ingested, you will feel more free and empowered. After all, that constant pressure to always be something amazing, to pursue the next big thing, will be lifted off your back. The stress and anxiety of feeling inadequate will dissipate. And the knowledge and acceptance of your own simple existence will actually free you to accomplish what you truly wish to accomplish with no judgements and no lofty expectations.

So even though this concept is scoffed at and extremely unpopular but I would say it is ok? There is nothing wrong with a mediocre life.

A mediocre life, a common life, an average, middle-of-the-road life doesn’t mean a life devoid of meaning, or wisdom, or intelligence, of a felt sense of what’s important, and right and good.

If anything, it can make room for more of what’s important to you. You will have a growing appreciation for life’s basic experiences. You will learn to measure yourself through a new, healthier means: the pleasures of simple friendship, creating something, helping a person in need, reading a good book, laughing with someone you care about.

Sounds boring, doesn’t it? That’s because these things are average. But maybe they’re average for a reason. Because they are what actually matter.

So even if I tried, I couldn’t put it any better than how Krista O Reilly Davi-Degui has put it in her essay, “What If All I Want Is A Mediocre Life?”. Here is a copy (with a few edits) of it and I hope it resonates with you as much as it did with me.

What if all I want is a small, slow, simple life? What if I am most happy in the ordinary? Where calm lives. What if I am mediocre and choose to be at peace with that?

The world is such a loud place. Noisy voices lecturing me to hustle, to improve, build, strive, yearn, acquire, compete, and grasp for more. For bigger and better. Sacrifice sleep for productivity. Strive for excellence. Find your passion. Go big or go home. Have a huge impact in the world. Make your life count.

But what if I just don’t want to be extraordinary? What if all the striving for a grand life leaves me exhausted? Drained of joy. Is being mediocre really that awful? Mind you, I am not saying that I should pursue mediocrity - but rather, the merits of accepting mediocrity when we end up there despite our best efforts.

What if I never really amount to anything when I am old-beyond mom and sister and wife? But these people in my primary circle of impact know they are loved and I would choose them again, given the choice. Can this be enough?

What if I never build an orphanage but send bags of groceries to people here and there and support a couple of underprivileged girls? What if I just offer personalized messages as gifts to my family and friends and let that be enough?

What if I don’t want to write a book or build a six figure business or speak before thousands? But I write because I have something to say and I invest in a community of people who reach out to me and I encourage them to love and care for themselves well. Because bigger isn’t always better and the individual matters.

What if I just accept this mediocre body of mine that is neither big nor small? Just in between. And I embrace that I have no desire to work for rock hard abs or 18% body fat. And I make peace with it and decide that when I look in the mirror I don’t regret being just me. Love handles and all.

What if I am a mediocre home manager who rarely dusts and mostly maintains order and makes real food sometimes but buys pizza and who is horrified at moments by the utter mess in some areas of her home? Who loves to plan and budget but then breaks her own rules and pushes back against rigidity. Who doesn’t care about decorating and fancy things. Whose home is humble and lived-in.

What if I am not cut out for the frantic pace of this society and cannot even begin to keep up? And see so many others with what appears to be boundless energy and stamina but know that I need tons of solitude and calm, an abundance of rest, and swaths of unscheduled time in order to be healthy. Body, spirit, soul healthy. Am I enough?

What if I am too religious for some and not spiritual enough for others? Non-evangelistic. Not bold enough. Yet willing to share in quiet ways, in genuine relationship, my deeply rooted faith. And my doubts and insecurities.

This will have to be enough.

And no matter how long I have been married I love my husband more than yesterday but have never had a fairy tale romance and break the “experts” marriage rules about doing a ton of activities together and having a bunch in common. And we don’t. And we like time apart and time together. Is our marriage good enough?

What If I am a mom who delights in her kids just being around but needs time for herself and sometimes just wants to be first and doesn’t like to play all the time but prefers hugs and affirms and supports her kids in their passions? A mediocre mom who can simply marvel at raising average kids with joy and pride.

What if I embrace my limitations and stop railing against them? Make peace with who I am and what I need and honor your right to do the same. Accept that I want is a small, slow, simple life. A mediocre life. A beautiful, quiet, gentle life.

I think it is enough.

The truth is that a vast majority of us will never be truly exceptional at anything.

AND THAT IS OK.

Inspired by Mark Manson, "In Defence Of Being Average" & Anna Djong, "Why Life Is Better As A Mediocre"