Not Just Happiness

Image Courtesy: Nathan Lemon, Unsplash.com

Continuing on the topic of Happiness, people say they want to be happy. They want their life to be enjoyable and free from suffering. But based on research by social psychologist Roy F. Baumeister, there is another master that we want to serve.

Last week, in preparation of a dear friend’s silver wedding anniversary celebrations, I spent long hours learning to dance in a group, to a medley of Bollywood songs. I thoroughly enjoyed myself for a few hours into the practice but soon the need to get home caught up. On one of the evenings while driving back, I shared this shift in my feelings with my daughter. She explained, what she had learnt, about the difference between extroverts and introverts and it seems quite accurate. Our performance can be measured on the basis of our productivity. Extroverts tend to be more productive in a group setting whereas introverts are more productive when on their own.

Which brings me to the moot point of this blog- the other master that we want to serve and that is “being relevant”. Whatever type of person you may be, the need to be meaningful outlasts enjoyment/happiness.

Meaning could be a feeling of being connected to “something bigger”. But Baumeister’s research suggests that it has equally to do with “expressing oneself and thinking integratively about past and future.” Just thinking about the past and the future tends to raise people’s sense of meaningfulness – but astonishingly – lowering their happiness. The most striking example to establish this paradox is the activity of raising children, which reliably diminishes measured happiness, both from moment to moment and on the whole. But people still do it. Why? It’s simple- people have children because doing so gives meaning to their lives.

So happiness and meaning are two goals that we fill our lives with. And sometimes we sacrifice happiness for meaning, and vice versa. In Baumeister’s study, feeling more connected to others improved both happiness and meaning. However, the role we adopt in our relationships makes an important difference. Participants who identified with being “a giver” reported less happiness but more meaning in their lives. In addition, spending more time with friends was related to greater happiness but not more meaning. In contrast, spending more time with people one loves was correlated with greater meaning but not with more happiness. The researchers suspect that spending time with loved ones is often more difficult, but ultimately more satisfying, than spending time with friends.

As a full-time housewife and part-time counselor, blogger and listener, even routine activities appear to bring more meaning to my life but not happiness in the moment. Broadly, because what I would want in life right now to derive happiness is freedom from mundane household activities but giving, sacrificing my own comfort and freedom is giving my days more meaning.

While there is nothing wrong about pursuing happiness, for a complete sense of well-being, pursuing meaningfulness is equally important. The pursuit of meaning and not just happiness is what sets us apart from animals. Finding meaning in life is being uniquely human.

Hence, I can safely conclude that:

Well-being = Happiness + Meaning.