How to Make a Comeback

Image Courtesy: Road-trip-with-raj, Unsplash.com

So here are five ways to develop mental toughness from Seun Adebiyi, a Yale Law grad who beat cancer to participate in the Olympics, carrying the torch for Nigeria in the 2018 Winter Olympics. His valuable advice first featured in an article in Inc.com by Peter Economy, The Leadership Guy.

Never confuse who you are with what you do.

Says Adebiyi, “I remember when I first missed the Olympics, it was a major setback as an athlete, and I completely crumbled mentally – all because I had made the mistake of tying my self-worth to my sense of accomplishment.”

Most parents reward their child when they get an outstanding score in school. So children begin to think that when they excel in academics is when their parents are happy or proud of them. They begin to associate their self-worth with marks and when they don't get good marks they don't feel good enough.

Accomplishments are excellent motivators but don’t confuse your self-worth with achievements.

Master your inner dialogue.

Says Adebiyi, “Doctors and nurses looked at me like I was crazy, but I never accepted their perspective that I was a “cancer patient”. In my mind, I was an Olympic hopeful who just happened to be overcoming cancer.” When he was fighting leukemia with aggressive chemo and radiation, he refused to wear a hospital gown. Instead, he wore workout sweats and did walking lunges up and down the linoleum hospital floors, pushing his surgically attached IV pole nest to him.

We often say things like, "I hope they don't hate it", "I don't deserve this attention" or "No one is going to listen to me." What you say to yourself matters more than what the entire universe together says about you.

Learn to live in the moment.

It sounds easy but if you think about it, you fall prey to it more often than you would like to admit. For example:

- Are you so distracted by thoughts of Monday morning that you adulterate the time spent with your children on the weekend?

- Are you so caught up with regrets of the past that you overlook the opportunities blossoming in the present?

- Are you too busy meeting a work deadline that you forget to enjoy what you are doing?

According to Adebiyi, his anchor, during this tough time, was his breath. “I just focused on surviving breath to breath, and repeated the following words over and over like a mantra: “This too shall pass.”

It’s a fact that sometimes life just kicks us in the teeth. Trying to avoid suffering is like trying to cross the ocean in a rowboat without getting wet. When the storms of life start tossing you around like a toy, you need something you can cling to when all seems hopeless. That something could be a quote, faith or an activity.

Fortify your village, and then build a moat.

In many African countries, there is a popular saying, “It takes a village to raise a child.” It’s true of life as well. Surround yourself with people who will support you no matter what as well as give you inputs that are good for you, not just things you want to hear. Invest your time and energy in strengthening those relationships. Distance yourself from energy vampires. It could be people or habits that drain your happiness or confidence.

Says Adebiyi, “This might involve some painful conversations, spending less time on social media, and ending a few relationships. But trust me, its virtually impossible to master your inner dialogue and develop inner resilience with someone whispering doubts in your ear.”

Be prepared, be prepared, and be prepared.

Suggest Adebiyi, “Work on your self-image, inner dialogue, present moment awareness, and key relationships NOW. It doesn’t take much: you can practice visualization/meditation every day, affirm your key relationships, and minimize negative influences with just a few minutes each day.”

The time to “hurricane-proof” your life isn’t when the shingles start to fly off the roof, but when the sky is still blue and sunny. So when life comes knocking, you will be ready to rock- Peter Economy