Ignorance ain't Bliss - Part II

Image Courtesy: Henry Be, Unsplash.com

“What do you mean, Phib?” asked Miss Squeers, looking in her own little glass, where, like most of us, she saw – not herself, but the reflection of some pleasant image in her own brain.”

That’s Charles Dickens in Nicholas Nickleby. His point being that self-deception sprouts up when I make the choice to see not my true self, but that “pleasant image” that I construct of myself explains Dr. Ken Baker, pastor and writer.

At the outset, it's easy to regard willful ignorance and self-deception as one and the same thing. And you are not wrong for using them interchangeably. But there is a difference. At the most basic level, it is the inability to be honest with yourself. The bad news is that we have somehow mastered the craft of deceiving ourselves. Masking the truth to feel better about ourselves as opposed to not knowing the truth about ourselves.

According to psychologists, self-deception is one of the popular escapement methods that people use to prevent themselves from feeling guilty. And at the same time allowing themselves to escape from something that they don’t want to face.

The busy man syndrome is one of the most common examples of self-deception.

Some workaholics became that way because they failed to face some aspect of their life so decided to isolate themselves using this brilliant self-deception method.

Traveling is another example of self-deception. We all like to travel but some people decide to travel when they have to face a challenge in their personal or work life. We lie to ourselves by claiming that we love to travel, but the fact maybe that we want to escape.

Procrastination is another example of self-deception. When we deceive ourselves to avoid a difficult task or situation by telling yourself that you will solve it tomorrow or another “suitable” time. “I don’t want to be a troublemaker” or “My family’s livelihood is at stake”, rocking the boat feels too dangerous, so we lie to ourselves. In many situations it’s easier to maintain status quo, rather than confronting the truth.

Consider an example by Mark Alicke Ph.D, “a highly intelligent young woman who falls in love with a man who is attractive, charming, and according to virtually everyone who knows him, a colossal jerk. The self-deceived woman truly believes that the man is intelligent despite appearances to the contrary, that he is actually quite lovable and displays a bad temper only when pushed to the limit, and that he just likes to have fun and will eventually grow out of his adolescent proclivities. Since the self-deluded woman truly believes these things, it will probably take her longer to read the warning signs and terminate the relationship.” In fact, self-deception is at the root of many relationships that are toxic but we refuse to see the evidence.

It is difficult to gauge whether somebody is willfully ignorant or truly deluded. How can one know if I hit my children because I can’t control my temper, but truly believe (self-deception) that I do it to discipline them?

“The worst of all deceptions is self-deception”

Plato

Dr. Cortney Warren believes that lying to yourself is an indication of an emotionally weak person who cannot tolerate reality. Being dishonest with yourself makes us prone to making bad choices. Choices that we will regret or even pass on the lies that you believe to your kids. So the consequences of self-deception can be massively negative. Willful ignorance is under our control to a greater extent than self-deception. We could, when sufficiently motivated, change our behavior and attitude that stems from willful ignorance more easily that we could alter self-deceived actions.

Self-deception doesn’t change or improve anything, makes you delusional, leave you with massive regret and also masks the problem.

“If you tell the truth, its part of your past, if you tell a lie,

its part of your future.”

Dr. Cortney Warren

And to move from a space of your mind’s default setting of staying in the dark to stepping into light, you only need to:

Pause – Self-Evaluate ­– Face Reality.

At the very core of facing reality is your readiness to accept things, as they are, not as what you wish them to be. For example, if you are in a leadership role and your leadership style is not garnering the result you need from your team, then it makes sense to accept the underlying hypothesis that your style is not working. All you need is to have the courage to take this truth in your stride. The key is to discover why it happened and tackle the issue at its root. Because unlike wine, problems don’t improve with age.

While there are many types of "self", self-deception is rarely a good one. Replace this negative "self" action with positive ones like Self-Reflection and Self-Awareness.