How to Self-Reflect

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By now you would have an idea of what is self-reflection and why it is necessary for a happier life. Which means, it is now time to discuss the process of how to practice this skill and become a better version of yourself.

There are many different techniques to self-reflect and you can choose the one that works best for you. And here is one suggested by Tracy Kennedy, Certified Life Coach and Consultant:

STOP: Take a step back from life or a particular situation.

LOOK: Identify and get perspective on what you notice and see.

LISTEN: Listen to your inner guide, the innate wisdom that bubbles up when you give it time and space to emerge.

ACT: Identify the steps you need to take moving forward to adjust, change or improve.

What to Reflect On? There are two important components for self-reflection.

1. Reflect on YOU

Many ancient philosophers from Aristotle to Socrates and Pythagoras touted the benefits of “knowing thyself”. Here are some thought provoking questions when you reflect on YOU:

What are the beliefs, guiding principles or ideas that are deeply important to me?

What are my priorities?

What are my unique gifts, talents or skills?

What energy do I want to bring to everything I do?

What is the impact/impression I want to make?

What are the beliefs that are limiting me?

How am I sabotaging my own progress/happiness?

There are some subtle toxic behaviors that you need to question too, like:

Are there any facts or opinions that I do not analyze, and simply dismiss or endorse?

Am I treating my body well and aware of how this treatment influences my mind?

Am I passively thinking negative thoughts?

Am I ignoring my own tasks and goals?

Am I worrying about things that I cannot affect?

This set of questions is suited more towards identifying negative bits of your daily routine and behavior that need change.

2. Reflect on the AREAS of YOUR LIFE that are Important to you:

This includes relationships, family, career, health, finances, fun, recreations and personal growth. A great tool that many coaches use is “The Wheel of Life.” While the original one dates back to Buddhism, Paul Meyer, a pioneer in the life coaching and self-improvement industry, created the modern version.

The purpose of the wheel is to look at areas of your life, which are important to you. In each area, you rate yourself on a scale on 1-10. This gives you an idea of where you are in - or out of balance - and what areas you need to pay more attention to. It gives you perspective on the whole of your life.

If you google “wheel of life” you will get hundreds of different options to choose from and then ask yourself the following questions:

How would I rate my levels of satisfaction/success in each of the areas of my life, on a scale of 1-10?

What’s working? What’s not?

What do I want more of-or less of?

What are my achievements/wins?

What are my hopes or goals?

What am I grateful for?

How would I improve this area of my life? What actions can I take?

You can begin with this inquiry to help you remember what to work on. These questions should inspire you to analyze and bring about positive changes in your life. As you self-analyze more, you will delve deeper and deeper into your own thought process, behavior and actions. This process is not to overwhelm you, although a note of caution, that it might do just that. But the aim of self-reflection is to paint a complete and fully clear picture of you without berating or chest-thumping yourself.

To develop this healthy habit, don’t focus on moments but traits and don’t lie to yourself.

And finally I leave you with this quote from John Locke:

“Education begins the gentleman, but reading, good company and reflection must finish him.”