Self-Reflection

Image Courtesy: Yeshi Kangrang, Unsplash.com

We all have heard the story of “The Lion and The Sheep” in which a lion cub raised by a herd of sheep, acted just like a sheep, eating grass and bleating. But he sounded, looked and smelled different and the rest of the sheep would always make fun of him being different. That made him sad and uncomfortable. One day, an older lion sees the herd of sheep and decides to attack. While chasing, it sees the young lion running away along with the other sheep. Curious as to what was happening, the older lion decided to stop chasing the sheep and pursues the younger lion instead. It pounces on the young lion and growls asking it why it was running with the sheep? The younger lion shakes in fear and tells the older lion to not eat him because he’s just a young sheep. The lion growls and tells him that he is a lion not a sheep. But the young lion is not convinced. So the older lion drags him to a nearby watering hole and asks the young lion to look at its reflection. The young lion is astonished to realize that he is not a sheep but a mighty lion. The young lion is thrilled and free from being made fun of. The young lion had found its true nature and its true herd.

The older lion in the story is a metaphor for self-awareness and looking at the reflection in the water is a metaphor for self-reflection.

Just like the young lion we too are influenced by our surroundings that limit our beliefs and take us away from our true self.

Self-reflection is a skill; the ability to analyze yourself: your thoughts and what drives them, your position in life and the beliefs that put you there, your strengths that help you achieve and overcome challenges, your flaws or fears that keep you away from being happy or calm.

This is usually done through questioning yourself that can trigger a series of meaningful conversations with yourself. “When we examine the causes of our thoughts, feelings and behaviors-which we often do by asking the “why” question - we tend to search for the easiest and most plausible answers. Generally, once we have found one or two, we stop looking”, says Dr. Tasha Eurich an organizational psychologist.

Asking “why” can sometimes cause our brains to mislead us. You may be feeling miserable and trying to find out why, remember that you have just had lunch with your neighbor and then blame the interaction with her for your feelings, which might be misdirected. Also. Asking “why” tends to keep us fixated on our problems and placing blame instead of moving forward, says Eurich.

According to her, asking “what” would be better. Let’s say you are in a terrible mood after work one day. Asking, “Why do I feel this way?” might elicit unhelpful answers like “I hate Mondays!” or “My boss is a pain” or “I hate my job”. Instead if you ask, “What am I feeling right now?” you may realize that you had an exhausting day at work and you are hungry. With this awareness you could commit to an early bedtime or fix yourself dinner.

For most of us, it’s hard to define our feelings. It’s easier to tell what we think but rarely what we feel, so saying “what” can force us to name our emotions, which is an important step if we want to really understand ourselves better.

“Evidence shows the simple act of translating our feelings into language can help us stay in control. The effect of putting feelings into words is akin to hitting the brakes while you are driving when you see a yellow light”, says Matthew D. Liebernan, UCLA associate professor of psychology.

“A good rule of thumb, then, is that “why” questions are generally better to help us understand events in our environment and what questions are generally better to help us understand ourselves.”