There are no fairy-tales only true-tales

“He slid his hand behind her head and brought his mouth down on hers in a hard, demanding kiss that stirred up a raw hunger. A kaleidoscope of emotions ripped through him but the prime one was need. It spread through him, not slowly, but like wildfire burning everything in sight. Gripped by it, Sean powered her back against the railing and trapped her there.”

It’s been over 100 years since Gerald Mills and Charles Boon teamed up to publish romantic novels and have been responsible for over 30,000 fictional kisses. Today, Mills and Boon publishes about 720 romantic novels a year.

I first encountered these books in my grandmother’s book cabinet when I was sixteen. I remember being hopelessly enchanted with a tall, dark and handsome hero, riding up on a white horse and saving the heroine.Sighing and swooning over his good looks, charm, integrity and wealth. Back the, he was always difficult initially but there was always a reason why he was difficult. But, prodded by the heroine, who didn’t smoke or admit to multiple lovers, he eventually complied, leading to a few passionate encounters. Then came a misunderstanding that created a wedge between them, interrupting their romance, only to be redeemed in the end.

Admit it girls, didn’t you feel jealous of the beautiful proposal that the male protagonist made to his ladylove? Or you imagined “prince charming” would swipe you off your feet? Or hoped to receive flowers, compliments and be pursued incessantly?

It's no surprise that I started believing to find emotional support from these "fictional knights in shining armor". The reason is obvious.

Our culture is obsessed with the idea of love. Notice I said “idea” because it’s not actual love we are obsessed with, it’s romance.

We tend to confuse romance and love, we forget what true love actually is and we look for it in all the wrong places.

The truth about love is that it is not a fairy-tale. As long as we follow the fairy-tale plot, we will never have a happy ending, nor middle for that matter.

True love is not about a damsel in distress needing to be saved. Because, “prince charming”, like you, is a human being not a magician who can wave a wand and make all your problems disappear.

Think about this for a minute, would you attach yourself to someone who always needs to be rescued or requires constant attention and compliments? You would probably run a mile, right? And that is exactly what any sane person would do.

Wouldn’t you rather find love where the foundation of your relationship is built on true respect, honor, equality and honesty?

Being needy, insecure and trying to gain approval from another puts a huge pressure on a person. It is an unachievable task because feeling inherently loved and worthy comes from within.

“The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others.” Sonya Friedman.

When you can’t love yourself authentically, you cannot expect anyone else to truly love you either. When there is this self-love first, and with both parties, then romantic activities and displays mark the beginning of a love affair that can develop with all the right ingredients, and no longer a “fairy-tale” of hope but a true-tale of LOVE.

I am in no way suggesting that you give up on romance. Just do not make a fairy tale romance the standard that your lover, partner or spouse has to match up to.