My Inspiration

Hinduism believes that the soul takes multiple forms before finding divinity or being one with the source. Which means that every human body has gone through the cycle of life and death as different living organisms before taking the human form. And humans have the ability to seek oneness with the universe. Thereby making it a privilege to be born human.

I received that privilege on June 30, 1972.

Around this day, every year, I become melancholic and find little joy in my birthday. And by doing so, I have made it exceedingly tough for my husband and kids. I know it for a fact that every year they do all that they can to make it memorable and special. But I am so wrapped up in my own self-pity and sadness that I end up behaving badly. They love me too much to say anything and probably feel a sense of relief when the day is over. This got me wondering and I began inquiring within. My curiosity helped me explore the pain I was inflicting on myself. I understood that I couldn't change the past but I could heal from it. So from staying stuck in the "victim" mode, I moved to the "healing" mode. It gave me the opportunity to validate my feelings that allowed me to be kind to myself. It changed my perspective.

And this year it's different.

I look back today at my childhood with a sense of gratitude. It was a privileged upbringing. I lived with my parents, brother and grandparents in this massive bungalow surrounded by trees and lawns, a kitchen garden, servants quarters and a badminton court. Some of the rooms had their own verandahs. A courtyard in the heart of the house and rooms all around. It was a very neatly laid-out home when I compare it to most homes of the time. There was enough privacy for everyone and yet the center of the home was always buzzing with activity.

My grandparents had their special corners and conversations took place, the phone rang, the servants came in and out, my father read the newspaper, my mother prepared food for all. There was a gentleman called Kapoor Sahab who visited the house every morning.

It was a privilege to grow-up without worrying about food, water, electricity, education, transportation. Everything was catered for and today I feel so blessed to have had it all.

For my brother and I, each birthday was planned well in advance since it was our mother who would do all the cooking. Each year she baked the birthday cake in a different shape. The few I can remember are; a flower basket, airplane, train, ship and clock. I would watch in fascination as she worked with all the paraphernalia in the dining room. When I was a little older I helped her with using the egg-beater and making flowers for the basket cake.

There were tonnes of things to be done and I didn't have to lift a finger. That was a privilege.

The presents, the new dress and shoes, the guests, the party, the decoration. That was a privilege.

The fact that it was always summer holidays on my birthday, so I got to celebrate it twice (colored dress and distribute sweets) when schools re-opened, that was a privilege.

But somewhere I lost my way and stopped remembering the happy or good stuff. I became under-confident, unsure, quiet and submissive. Whatever it was, the damage was immense to my personality and I acted out in ways that caused a lot of pain to myself and my folks. They put up with me and I will always be grateful to them.

And the same goes for my husband and kids-so many years of being such a royal pain in the butt, around and on my birthday. But not this year or any other year.

I am immensely fortunate to have come a long way not just in years but in my own emotional evolution and self-development. It all started with questioning my behavior, finding the link to it in my thinking and the origin of my thoughts with my feelings.

My journey is my inspiration for this project. You can redeem yourself. You can change.

Are you ready to embrace the challenge?