Projection - "We see things not as they are, but as we are" H.M. Tomlinson

Picture Courtesy: Serrah Galos, Unsplash.com

Parents who have missed out achieving their goals in life often demand that their own children fulfill these goals.

Fearing your partner will cheat on you is often a reflection of how you view yourself.

Believing someone dislikes you could be signs of your hidden intense dislike for that person.

These are a few defense mechanism techniques that people subconsciously employ in order to cope with difficult feelings or emotions. In other words, you “project” your own undesirable feelings or characteristics onto someone else, rather than admitting to or dealing with these unwanted feelings or characteristics.

Sigmund Freud, “the father of psychoanalysis”, developed this “primitive” defense mechanism theory and coined it Projection.

Jenny and Fred have been married for ten years. Jenny wants to leave the marriage because she has grown tired of Fred’s accusations of her cheating and flirting with other men. Fred has even been abusive at times during his accusations. However, Fred is convinced that Jenny flirts with other men and goes beyond that even cheating with them. Jenny has never been involved with any other man, but Fred blames their marital problems on Jenny’s flirting and cheating. Fred can’t see his destructive behavior in the marriage. He wants to save their relationship and tries to get Jenny to come back and continue the marriage where they left off. He even applies coercion in his desperate attempt to save his marriage by constantly telling Jenny that she is the cause of their problems. He even thinks she needs to ask his forgiveness for all the incidents she has caused that has damaged the relationship. In this situation, Jenny is the recipient or victim of projections by her husband. Fred cannot look objectively and see his own destructive behavior in the marriage. He defends against this lack of awareness by projecting the destructive behavior onto Jenny. In Fred’s opinion, Jenny is the one who has destroyed their relationship. This projection is so powerful that without intense therapy and a new understanding of his behavior, there is little hope for Fred to change his behavior in time to save his marriage.

There are also other, less serious types of projection among couples. For example, a husband who has a hostile nature might attribute this hostility to his wife and say she has an anger management problem.

It is as if we are throwing a part of ourselves outward and casting it, like the image from a movie projector, onto the other person.

I am no expert but I can think of a situation that we all can relate to when we unconsciously use Projection.

Watching a steamy, sex-scene with family and we all feel uncomfortable within. Instead of acknowledging our own embarrassment, we assume that others are embarrassed and joke about it or mock them for being prudish. Now, if we just acknowledged our own discomfort with public display of affection and why it makes us uncomfortable will most likely make it easier to deal with this situation in the future.

Projection also occurs in everyday life through secondary type of actions. Jokes about racism, sexism and homophobia have underlying issues with projection. Small jokes that target a particular group often invite a response to others to either agree with the projection or to disagree. The problem with these seemingly smaller projections is that they may create a culture of acceptance leading to more serious projection that result in oppression of the entire group being targeted. Individuals tend to project upon other what they feel uncomfortable about within themselves.

Unfortunately, most people do not realize that they have succumbed to psychological projection until it is too late. However, there are steps you can take to identify whether you are engaging in psychological projection in order to avoid doing it in the future.

A good place to start is to examine the negative relationships in your life. Who don’t you get along with at work or in your family? Do you feel as though someone is out to get you? Try to determine where the animosity began. In some cases, you may find that speaking to a therapist will help you examine these relationships more honestly and openly than you are able to do by yourself.

Once you have identified that you are engaging in psychological projection, you will become more aware of this tendency during future interactions. Try to face problems and disputes head on rather than becoming defensive. The key is to be able to recognize when you are using projection as a defense mechanism and then learn how to respond in a more positive manner.

So the next time you begin to project your feelings onto someone else, stop and ask yourself why you are engaging in this behavior. You will find that it is much easier to deal with the monsters in your head rather than project the negative emotions you are experiencing onto others.