Reaction Formation

Photo Courtesy: Ak-n-Cakiner, Unsplash.com

“Its part of our national character to ridicule what we value.” Marilynne Robinson

Turns out its true and psychology experts have a name for it. Freud said that to deal with conflict, the ego employs a range of unconscious defense mechanisms to ward off anxiety.

Reaction Formation “is a defense mechanism by which an objectionable impulse is expressed in an opposite or contrasting attitude or behavior, often in a very exaggerated performance.”

You may be thinking, “psh, I don’t do this.” But you do. We all do. Why else do we ignore the ones who adore us, adore the ones who ignore us or love the ones who hurt us and hurt the ones that love us?

More examples to help you understand this coping mechanism are when you adore a certain woman but think she is too good for you. So you take a jab at her favorite singer, just to keep that distance. Or you attempt to heal from a broken relationship with a lover you still admire by scoffing at his new girlfriend or making fun of his new job.

Simply put, we not only act in the direct opposite way to our feelings, impulses or desires, but may overcompensate in order to convince ourselves and others that we are not who, or what, we feel compelled to reject. However, the original impulse or feeling of the ego is not replaced but only covered over by engaging in the opposite attitudes and behaviors.

Some examples of Reaction Formation taken from Chelsea Riveria’s article are as follows:

Sexuality: A person who has been socialized to believe that intimate same-sex relationships are sinful or wrong, but is attracted to members of their same sex. They may be overtly public or promiscuous with heterosexuality or marry someone of the opposite sex to “prove” they are not gay. They may be very vocal about being anti-gay or homophobic in order to fit in as one of the “boys”, or not seen to go against the spiritual belief system they have been raised in.

Parenting: An absent parent or a parent who does not feel they have bonded or have any affection for a child or other family members, including in-laws, may overcompensate with gifts and gestures. On the other hand, a parent not wishing to “spoil” their children may be an overly critical parent.

Addictions: A person with an addiction, whether alcohol or drugs or work may be a proponent of abstinence, harsh reforms or penalties for substance abuse, but not be able to see or acknowledge their own dependence and addiction.

Culture/Ethnicity: A person with beliefs that people of other ethnicities, cultures or races are inferior to their own may go out of their way to support and publicly advocate for “minority” groups. Alternatively, someone who feels shame for their own culture may seek acceptance from another culture by adopting their beliefs and values.

Conflict: Rather than confront any actual or potential conflict with another individual or address any feelings of dislike a person may go out their way to be overly kind and nice to people they do not naturally gel with.

Like any other defense mechanism that we deploy, unconsciously, to protect ourselves, Reaction Formation may feel safe. But if you admit the truth to yourself, it causes you quite a lot of stress to maintain. And avoiding stress was the whole point of creating defense mechanisms. But living a lie causes significant stress and impaired health. Since going to extreme lengths to try to hide your true self sets you up for a dysfunctional personality and unstable life.

"On the 12th of June 2016, a 29-year-old security guard called Omar Mateen shot dead 49 people at a Florida nightclub. The fact that is was a gay nightclub seemed particularly significant when later reports emerged suggesting that Mateen was actually gay and perhaps conflicted about his sexuality. Before these reports emerged, it was suggested that perhaps Mateen was a closet homosexual. Dr. Arif Akhtar, a doctor and blogger, believes that at some implicit level the theory that Mateen was a gay man carrying out a deadly attack against other gay men made sense. It was Reaction Formation at play.

If Mateen was living in a society/culture where being gay is completely unacceptable.

Or

He believed that his religion is incompatible with homosexuality.

Or

His relatives expressed their disgust at such tendencies.

Or

He harbored unconscious homosexual feelings that he was unable to express openly, would have lead to stress that he resolved through hostility to people who are openly gay.

We may not have the exact circumstances of Mateen but this is certainly a plausible reason for this sort of violent reaction. By making such an extreme gesture it would seem he was trying to prove both to his community and himself that he couldn’t possibly be gay.

The idea that people with very homophobic views harbor homosexual tendencies is not purely based on conjecture. Research such as that done by Adams in 1996 in a journal of abnormal psychology does seem to back it up.

Its all particularly telling that in interviews with Mateen’s family they refused to accept the possibility of his being gay despite evidence and seemed to be more comfortable with him being a terrorist than being gay. As bad as it was for him to be a terrorist; being gay was considered worse.

The fact that he may have had gay relationships may have been a considerable source of guilt, shame and stress upon his psyche. And the only way to escape these uncomfortable feelings was a hugely violent and suicidal gesture to prove once and for all that he was not gay.

Though Reaction Formation does not always manifest itself in violent ways, this is a possible consequence and Dr. Arif Akhtar believes it is entirely possible that such a process may have been at least partly involved in the Orlando shooting tragedy."

Let me sum up this lengthy and loaded post by concluding that Reaction Formation is one of the more complex defense mechanisms. Whether you tend to view life in strictly delineated or binary way can also be a factor in whether you are masking your true feelings. The key to cope with this defense mechanism is to may be find a way to understand self-acceptance and or how to reach middle ground.