One Step Closer - 1/3

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Now that I have shed light on Self and the elements that shape our concept of self, I want to share specific insights or a simple practice that could strengthen your self-concept. The idea came to me, after studying excerpts from Lisa Wimberger’s book titled Neurosculpting and I have used quotes from her book to enrich my story.

In Enneads I 6, 9, Plotinus writes:

Go back inside yourself and look: if you do not yet see yourself as beautiful [i.e., as participating in the Idea of Beauty], then do as the sculptor does with a statue he wants to make beautiful; he chisels away one part, and levels off another, makes one spot smooth and another clear, until he shows forth a beautiful face on the statue. Like him, remove what is superfluous, straighten what is crooked, clean up what is dark and make it bright, and never stop sculpting your own statue, until the godlike splendor of virtue shines forth to you…. If you have become this, and seen it, and become pure and alone with yourself, with nothing now preventing you from becoming one in this way, and have nothing extraneous mixed with your self… if you see that this is what you have become, then you have become a vision.

At a philosophical level, I have been inviting you all to remove the unessential parts of your self – to gently “chisel away” the parts that distance you from your authentic self. But to work on yourself, you first have to truly know yourself. That means you need to filter out the beliefs and ideas that others have imposed on you and the ones you truly relate to. For example, women legitimized their existence primarily through marrying and having children. Do you believe this to be the case or is it an idea that has been dictated to you? Were you always inclined towards a corporate career or feel dissatisfied for leaving behind your innate passion to create?

There are numerous such examples that we unconsciously submit to and make choices that conform to beliefs that operate outside of our awareness. But you could reflect upon your choices and learn about your true temperament, instincts, talents and purpose.

I have a few ideas on nurturing our authentic self in the areas of the physical self, the emotional self and social self that could be used as a navigating tool to carve your own concept of who you really are.

A WAY TO NURTURE YOUR PHYSICAL SELF

Once upon a time we appreciated the imperfect body of Madhubala, Waheeda Rehman and Rekha. Photos of them show normal and beautiful curves complete with flesh and ripples. Yet we celebrated mostly how they made us feel from the way in which they carried their body – as though there was nothing more beautiful. They radiated through their imperfections and we recognized it. Today our body-world plays by different rules.

So many of us know how difficult it is to feel good about our unique bodies and faces when we are held to images that are not real. It’s bad enough to have to fight delusions in the mind about who we are, and now we add to it a battle against external illusions of altered bodies. We configure our body with cosmetic procedures and synthetic products, always in search of the look that makes us feel like we display the perfect picture. But how often does this story end with the feeling that finally now I am perfect?

In movies, page three news, television, fashion ramps, women in particular have been replaced with living doll copies that outwardly look perfect. This is seen in the vast majority of young girls replicating celluloid appearances at social gatherings and functions. "It almost makes imperfection a disease, and the remedy seems to lie in stripping us of our most human qualities." We are willing to sacrifice our real uniqueness with a flawless fake. We fight hard to deny our genetics, giving up our own control over them to an outside fix. This is not a recipe for health. Masking the “I’m not good enough” thought by chasing an image doesn’t change the fact that we are still feeling less. Our inner conflict activates us to continually look for the next reprieve. But we can combat this conflict of judgment and self-deprecation. And little by little develop love for our bodies and be grateful for every inch of imperfection and aging.

I had a life changing experience about my imperfect size and shape years ago, when I visited Japan. An onsen is a Japanese hot spring – a centuries old wellness tradition that purifies and rejuvenates the body. These Japanese baths can now be found in almost every corner of Tokyo for the tired working class, the aging class, mothers, children, travelers, tourists or anyone up for a unique community bathing experience. And there I was paying a 1000-yen to have a go at it. I had my moment of awkward self-consciousness as I entered the locker room with many naked women. Some women walked around quite comfortable in their skins, and some hurried about bent over, looking shamefully as though they has lost their cloak of invisibility. I found that I was uneasy looking at anyone but a casual glance at the unashamed women, gave me permission to be present with my own body. I didn’t rush for my towel or scurry from one place to the next. No one seemed to notice my presence let alone examine me for any sort of comparison, despite my foreign-ness of type, complexion or looks. This disinterest gave me the permission to do the same. I relaxed and enjoy my time more.

I noticed an interesting custom of women washing themselves on a row of seated and mirrored open showers. It seemed like a ritual as they tended to their bodies with scrubs and sponges like a temple. They made soapy swirls on every inch of their body as though it was a mission and the only thing that mattered. Each part of their body got that much attention and nurturing, and maybe that was a way to cultivate this comfort or even reverence for one’s own body. So the next time I went to the spring bathhouse, I too spent time scrubbing, soaping with meticulous care and attention. I felt renewed and more vibrant. I took this practice home with me, adding to my showering routine. I began developing a mentality of care and nurture, familiarizing and becoming more and more comfortable in my own skin.

So what if you could approach your daily shower in a new way? Slow down just a bit, lather up just a little longer and for each body part you wash, say or think of one gratitude you associate with that part. Maybe it’s something like:

"I am thankful for my strong arms that helped me carry my daughter.

I am thankful for my wrists that are flexible and agile.

I am thankful for my hands that create so much, and for my fingers that enable me to communicate words on a keyboard.

I appreciate my chest that holds a space for my lungs and heart to be healthy."

When each shower becomes a gratitude ritual that combines physical motion of touching, nurturing, and washing away the old, we may begin to view our bodies differently. "If we think about Hebb’s Law of neuroplasticity, which states that neuron that fire together wire together, then perhaps there is something very magical about this combination of physical action and mental focus.

Our dendrites (a branched extension of our nerve cell) are the mouthpiece in the telephone game of our thoughts. This is how neurons that fire together wire together. A better example is when you smell that one smell you knew from childhood and you suddenly have full access to the memory or emotions associated with it." For me it happens a lot with a melody or a song. Think about all the times you engage Hebb’s law without thinking about it. It could be a wired together stress response with the action of opening certain pieces of mail or your foot automatically on the clutch when you insert the key in the ignition or even pinched eyebrows every time you look yourself in the mirror. It is so thoroughly wired that it is subconscious.

So couldn’t we use this law to our advantage to unlearn a stress response or use an opportunity like our showering ritual to practice gratitude? Could we through conscious gratitude for each motion begin to accept ourselves, and perhaps with regular practice, even become happy to be who we are as we turn on the shower, celebrating our unique gifts of physiology?